Some weeks back, someone requested for an article about inter-community love-life and marriages, what needs to be done to make such relationships long lasting, and how to cope with tribalism.
Even though, I have first hand experience in this kind of lifestyle, I found it hard to explain in simple words just to convince the public on need to have such relationships and if possible, marriage.
In our country, we grow up with stereotypes about certain communities. In most cases, we never even have a single example to justify our fears but our minds cannot not think otherwise. Or worse, repeating one occurrence for generations to inflict more disdain for a given community.
We have this saying that a wise person learns from other people’s experiences but a fool looks forward to learn the hard way. In love-life however, the reverse is true! Shying away from someone you love on grounds of ethnic differences is such a folly move.
Every relationship has its own dark side. In fact you should expect this from any strangers living under one roof. But the power of communication is the sincerest way to solve impending issues. Keep quiet about simple matters and you will cry at the long run.
Okay let us focus our minds on an issue at hand: inter-community relationship. First, how do you define your lover? This is a simple question that anyone trying to enter in this kind of relationship should be asking himself/herself.
Allow you heart to judge fairly and do not allow your mind be driven by other people’s council. Seeing a ‘tribe’ in him or her is one big weakness that should be exterminated from your mind. Respect you heart, give it a chance to see what it wants in that secret person in your life. This way, you mind will be trained to accept your lover.
Are you ready to learn? Problems resulting from ethnic differences emerge only if one or both parties are reluctant to accept each other. These might be petty things like cooking, washing, or even eating habits. Be frank to one another, pretense always runs in circles. It would not take long before you forget and let you secret behavior take its course.
Another important thing is to give a blind eye and a deaf ear to what people see and say about your lover, especially if they target his or her ethnic background. Who knows their intentions! They might try to break a healthy relationship just for fun or to have another account of an inter-community relationship that never worked.
Anything I have left out, feel free to add.